4 simple tips to help you limit the stress of public speaking.

"You can’t always control what goes on outside
 but you can always control what goes on inside.”
Wayne Dyer

The key to becoming a stress-less speaker is to have a plan for what you plan to say.

Sounds simple. Right?

For lots of people (and perhaps you) the simpler things are, the harder they are to believe in. We humans like the clutter and challenge of the complicated. Why not? With so many variables that the complicated offers, we can relish in the comfort of knowing that if we come up short, we at least “gave it a good try.” The simple does not afford the luxury of “if at first you don’t succeed”. The simple if very Yoda-ish. “Do or do not. There is no try.”

If you’d like to become a stress-less speaker, think simple. It is not a complicated process. It only becomes that way when you avoid the simple and reach for the complicated. In this blog, I will share 4 simple tips you can use to become a stress-less speaker. The four tips are PLAN, OUTLINE, EXTRACT and KNOW.

PLAN

Steven Covey wrote in the 7 Habits of Successful People that you should “begin with the end in mind.” This is where your stress-less speaking plan should begin. Simply take a moment to  think about what you want your audience to “get” from your speech. What you determine, should let you know if you are speaking to persuade, inform or entertain. Then just write a simple sentence (this is known as a topic statement) stating the purpose of your speech. This has to be a simple sentence. “Ifs” and “Buts” are OK but absolutely no “ands”. If you find yourself including an “and” stop right there. This is a clear indication that you have two speeches. And, that is a very complicated thing to do.

Having a plan is critical to stress-less speaking. A plan will help increase your focus and elevate your intention. The more you intend to do with your speech the less stress you’ll have when you speak.

OUTLINE

If there is one piece of wisdom I repeatedly share with anyone who tells me they need to write a speech, it’s this: “Don’t write that speech!”

If you write a speech, what do expect will happen?

•  Will you fall in love with the beautiful words and phrase you’ve written? Yup.

•  Will you try to commit the speech to memory? Yup.

•  Will you needlessly add a whole layer of avoidable stress to the speaking process? Yup.

Writing a speech is an exercise in futility. You will write with your brain echoing the words of your 11th grade English teacher who admonished you to use complex sentences. Therefore, your sentences will be wordy (20 – 30 words or more). They will be indigestible to your brain’s memory core and even harder for your audience to swallow. 

We communicate differently for the eye than we do for the ear. The ear processes on the fly, without the ability to slow down, parse, or rehear what has been said. The ear relies on the short and the simple.

Instead, develop your speech using an outline. Only put down simple sentences. Follow an outline format so you will stay on track. This will help you curb verbosity while maintaining an approach that plays to a tried and true recipe for making your speech infinitely memorable and repeatable.

EXTRACT

I once heard an author deliver a speech about a list of 10 things you needed to do that she had in her book.  She had only fifteen minutes to speak. She never got beyond #3 on her list.

Really effective speaking is a subtraction process. Most speakers (and their audiences) suffer from information (content) overload. They use a fire hose when a sprinkler is required. The key to becoming a stress-less speaker is learning how to eliminate content that, while interesting, may not be critical to reaching your speaking objective.

Once you’ve determined what content you need to have in your speech, begin to refine it by extracting the key words and phrases within your content. By doing this you will trigger the deep knowledge and understanding you have about your topic. This refining will also allow you to speak spontaneously and fluently about your topic.

From here it just becomes a matter of practice and familiarization.

KNOW

There are three things, and only three things you should ever speak about; What you Feel, What you Know and What you have Experienced. Many speakers encounter a lot of stress regarding the confidence they have in What they Know. This is often the result of being a surface dweller on the topic you have selected. If you are speaking about What you Know, then you should relax and take solace in the following expression, “I know what I know.” This does not mean you know everything, and that’s OK. Nobody knows everything about any one thing. They may know a lot, but not everything. 

Experts come in all sizes and with varying levels of knowledge. In most instances, even when there is someone in the audience more accomplished than you, the audience is genuinely interested in hearing what you know about the topic of your choice. They will take from your content what they need to further their own knowledge. This may include new information as well as corroboration of their existing knowledge.

Stress-less speakers “Know what they know”. They find comfort in knowing there may be people in their audience who no more or less than what they will share. But they are full of intention, well-practiced and familiar with their content, and they “Know what they know”.

DON’T SWEAT THAT SPEECH

If you’re interested in learning the art of becoming a stress-less speaker, begin by following the four simple tips I shared in this blog,  PLAN, OUTLINE, EXTRACT and KNOW. When you do, you’ll find yourself more readily embracing each opportunity to share of your passion, wisdom and experience with audiences eager to add your content to theirs.

Thanks for your support as a reader of my blog and I eagerly welcome any comments on how you’re thinking about achieving the possibility of your promise.  Also, I would appreciate any suggestions you might have for future posts in this blog on a topic near and dear to you in the comments section below. As always, please feel free to share this post with a friend or colleague.

Bringing Positivity to Everything,
The Brain Tamer

What are you really saying when you offer an apology for your work?

“No good apology ever included the words, “if” or “but”.
Anna Silk as Bo Dennis in Lost Girl

Years ago, there was a friend of mine that was so used to apologizing even the license plate on her car read “I’M SORRY”.

I always felt a little sad for her because she was and still is a really great person, with a shining personality, genuine self-esteem, and as faithful to her word as a saint. She truly had little to apologize for even after life dealt her some incredibly hard blows. In the face of these tragic occurrences, she never made excuses. Instead, she just dug down deep inside her well of persistent determination and gave it everything she had.

My friend saw the world as such a sunny place, that I am sure it was the reason she was always so “Sorry” for everything that happened, whether she had a hand in it or not. Perhaps we should be grateful there are good people in this world who really want the world to be a better place, even to the extent of taking the blame for its shortfalls.

I believe most people offer an apology from a sincere heart. In fact, I have operated on this principle most of my life. But lately, I have been subjected to a string of heartless apologies from insincere companies and professionals that makes me question the value and sincerity of a 21st century apology.

WHY DO WE APOLOGIZE?

In today’s world of business, the act of offering an apology has been strategically hi-jacked. Companies readily offer apologies for everything from a missed appointment to outright failure to perform. Most of these apologies are offered as a way of sounding sincere with the expectation of taking the bite out of the bark of a disappointed customer. The apology given as a corporate strategy with little or no intent to cure an error is about as empty an apology as you can find.

I’m not saying it is the wrong to apologize, I just believe it is pointless to apologize without a promise of action.

I can only think of two reasons why anyone should ever offer an apology.

• Reason #1: As the result of an action in order to establish terms for a redress of the aggrieved party.

• Reason #2: As a means of accepting responsibility while asking for foregiveness for a promise you could not keep.

WHAT ARE YOU REALLY SAYING WHEN YOU APOLOGIZE?

When you enter into a relationship with someone, whether personal or business, there exists an expectation of performance based on something called an “implied contract”. Whether you know it or not, you move in and out of these implied contracts all day long. Implied contracts are based on an expectation of intention. When you pump gas into your car, you are allowed to do so under the intention that you will pay for it. You are willing to pay for the gas because you have an expectation of performance based on the brand’s reputation or octane rating. That is the implied contract. It is an informal type of promise. Promises are the bedrock of Trust; hard to earn, easy to lose.

When you apologize for not keeping a promise, what are you really saying about yourself or your business:

•  “I overstated my ability to deliver on the promise I made to you.”

• “I made this promise to you out of desperation without considering how you might react if I could not fulfill my promise.”

• “I made this promise to you, but I figured if I could not keep my promise to you I could just apologize, and you would forgive me.”

• “It’s easier for me to apologize and inconvenience you, than it is for me to get it right the first time.”

•  “I make promises all the time with no intention of keeping them because that’s just how things are.”

•  “I specialize in empty promises.”

None of the above are acceptable responses under any conditions. If you are a leader or run a business, accept that you will, at some point, need to apologize for some shortfall of your team or business. When you do, be sincere and have a plan for erasing the bad taste of a promise broken.

HOW TO AVOID EMPTY APOLOGIES

• Do not offer an apology without a plan to make things not only right, but better.

• Do not apologize without having the intent to double down on future efforts to win back lost trust.

• If you make an apology, insist that you understand its acceptance will be performance based.

• Never include the words “if” or “but” in your apology.

In an apology, the injured party holds all of the chips. After failing to perform, an apology should not include any conditional language. A sincere apology cannot be made according to the giver’s terms. The giver of an apology has no right to dictate or negotiate its terms.

WHEN SPEAKERS SHOULD AND SHOULD NOT APOLOGIZE

Speakers tend to apologize for a lot of things including skipping a section, forgetting their place, having a cold, and so on. I once heard a speaker apologize for being boring. But, the number one thing I hear speakers make an apology for is not being “perfect.”

Remember, your speaker’s credibility is the foundation of the trust an audience confers on you. The relationship between a speaker and an audience is a fragile implied contract in which one party offers their focused attention in exchange for valuable information, motivation, and enjoyment.

That said, every speaker has the right not to be perfect. No audience has the right to expect perfection from a speaker.

Whatever you think you need to apologize for as a speaker, think about what you might be saying to your audience when you do. Are you saying:

• “I lost my place because I did not put enough preparation in to this effort.”

• “I left out that section because it was probably not that important.”

• “I’m not that excited to be here talking about this stuff.”

• “I was up all last night getting plastered at the hotel bar.”

When you speak, only apologize for those things beyond your control. Everything else, the stuff within your control, requires your full intention in order to deliver on the promise of your speech. How you fulfill this promise is up to you.

I will make no apologies for this blog’s content. I trust you enjoyed it and it will help you to avoid making future empty apologies in your personal and professional life. I appreciate your support as a reader of my blog and I welcome any comment on this post or suggestions you might have in the comments section below. As always, please feel free to share this post with a friend or colleague.

Bringing Positivity to Everything,
The Brain Tamer