What can your mind learn, your heart embrace and your soul discover about success from a fortune cookie?

"An aim in life is the only fortune worth finding."
Robert Louis Stevenson

Over the past twenty plus years, I have made a point of collecting and cataloging the fortunes I received in fortune cookies. Now, I don’t believe there is anything mystical or magical that happens when I get a fortune cookie, but there is often a gift of wisdom and that’s pretty powerful magic by itself.

Fortune cookies not only provide sweetness at the end of a savory meal, they also can produce nourishment for the mind while culling a sense of appreciation for life within you. Sometime the urge is to look for an answer to something puzzling, like a set of winning lottery numbers. I have found that the secret to reading a fortune cookie is to look for the question you should be asking yourself that is relative to the advice the fortune cookie is communicating.

If you consistently look for the questions inside your fortune cookies you might find yourself on an amazing journey of self-examination fueled by the questions your fortune cookies have “asked”. Within these journeys you might encounter pieces of wisdom that your mind will learn, your heart will embrace, and your soul will discover about success.

Let me tell you about some of mine…

MIND OVER MATTER

In my early-forties, I received a fortune that did not change me physically, but it did change my way of thinking. At that time in my life, I had become preoccupied with death having witnessed my 69-yer old father lose his valiant bout with cancer. I worried about living long enough to witness the level of success and joy that he had in his life. Imagine the pressure I was placing on myself based on what I now know was an unrealistic expectation. After getting this fortune, it helped me to shift my mindset from the distant future to the immediate present. It also helped me realize that even under the worst outcomes, if I had my basic needs fulfilled, I would and could aim at fulfilling my unlimited potential. 

This is the fortune I received that changed how I have thought about life and success from that day forward, “Your blessing is being no more than safe and sound for the whole lifetime.”

Really? Great! Where do I go to sign up for that? 

If you’re thinking about how you will approach your success journey, it sure would help to know that you will be safe and sound for your whole lifetime. I know it did to me. I began to think about the word “lifetime”. A lifetime is just the span of one’s life. It is not defined by any measure of years, accomplishments or accolades. It is, as they say, “The dash”, between the dates on a tombstone. A lifetime is what you make of it. It does not need or beg for comparison to the lives of others to be of value. 

This little piece of fortune cookie wisdom encouraged me to ask,  “What it was that I really needed to live a successful life?” This hidden question helped me shift my thinking from what I thought I needed to be successful to what really mattered to me about living a successful life.

THE HEART OF A SMILE

I have always been a smiling person, although my dad was quick to point out I was a colicky baby and cried almost continuously for the first two years of my life. From my perspective, I was just getting all the tears out of my system so my naturally smiling character could shine through.

I don’t remember at what age I realized the power of my smile, but I know it has always been among my greatest assets. I like giving smiles away. To family, friends, colleagues and strangers. Smiles cost me nothing, are almost always returned to me immediately, and no matter how many I give away my supply of smiles is inexhaustible. Here’s a fortune I received that sums up my Smile Philosophy, “Smile. It makes your day brighter as well as the days of those around you.”

This small piece of advice encouraged me to ask, “Who benefits most when I share a smile?” My answer was simple, “I do.” When I share a smile, I get the high of releasing positive energy into the world around me. That positive energy has the potential to change the attitude of contention and the altitude of limitation in the world. Imagine the power of one small piece of paper to warm your heart and touch the hearts of others as well. That’s what this fortune was able to do for me.

SOUL PURPOSE

A significant portion of the success coaching I do with businesses, organizations and individuals consists of identifying the purpose, passion, and promises of their intended goals. For so many people, and for a very long time for me personally, success was an unsurmountable and elusive target. I never understood how to achieve it because I did not understand the simple nature of success. Like many people, I fixated on measuring success by the things I acquired, be they a position, some power or a possession.

In recent years, I have come to understand that most of the success I believe had eluded me was simply going unnoticed by me. And, as a result, I was never able to build and sustain the ultimate success I desired because I always seemed to be starting from square one with every effort. But now, I know differently. I have learned that success is not a single event set somewhere at the edge of a distant horizon. Success happens every day, if you just pay attention to it.

A fortune cookie once told me, "Success lies in the hands of those who want it."

This led me to ask the question, “Are you clearly and purposefully defining what you want enough to establish a clear and reasonable expectation of your intent.” When I discovered I wasn’t doing this, it helped me pave the way for striving to live a successful life by intent. In the simplest of terms, success is the achievement of an intent. Purpose, passion and promise are the foundational pillars successful people practice with confidence and consistency.

Success need not be measured by exorbitant achievements at all. In fact, to be successful most often requires you to recognize the smaller accomplishments that lay the foundation for larger ones down the road. The devil truly is in the details. Finding strength and confidence in the ability to consistently do the small things in life, is a critical step that can lead you to achieve a successful life.

THE SECRET TO SUCCESS

The cumulative effect of paying heed to fortune cookie wisdom is the level of awareness it will create in you when you follow the wisdom with an inquiring question. We live hurried lives, leaping from one second of inspiration to another, expecting something fantastic to happen along the way. This type of success strategy is akin to going into a multiplex theater and seeing a small fraction of each film they are showing. You might get a sense of each film, but you will not experience their complete stories. To truly make the theater going experience complete you have to invest the necessary time it will take to watch each film beginning to end. In other words, you must make a commitment, have an intent and expand your patience.

According to fortune cookie wisdom I received, "Success is usually the fruit of patience."

How sweet that is!

I want to thank those who have shared comments and suggestions with me and I’m looking forward to positively contributing to your life in the next year. Please continue to share your suggestions and comments with me. As always, I encourage you to freely share this post with friends and colleagues.

Bringing Positivity to Everything,
The Brain Tamer

You can learn the secret to creating the joy of expectation while eliminating the pain of disappointment.

“Hope is not a substitute for expectation.”
Don E. Smith

Expectations are the lifeblood of your existence. A single expectation can influence a decision, create an industry, drive innovation, initiate a relationship and, ultimately, change the world.

Simultaneously, an expectation, if unfulfilled, can be demoralizing. 

Why is there such a thin line between experiencing either exhilaration or devastation from an expectation?

The answer lies in the foundation of your expectation. Whether you experience joy or frustration will depend on how your expectation is conceived, nurtured and brought to life.

All expectations spring forth from one of two sources, either from something Promised to you or Imagined by you.

The odds of experiencing a joyful life are directly proportionate to the degree you manage your expectations. Let’s look at how.

THE LAND OF PROMISE

What is a promise?

A promise is a declaration or assurance that someone will definitely do, give, or arrange a particular thing or that a particular thing will happen. A promise will lead you to create an expectation based on the good grounds from someone for you to reasonably expect a certain result.

Sounds simple, fair and reasonable. Doesn’t it? And it should, in an ideal world. I highly doubt that I am the first to point out to you that we do not live in an ideal world.

Why do your expectations, based on promises people make to you, sometimes end in disappointment? 

Because people are not infallible. They often make promises to gain future favor without knowing if fulfilling the promise is fully within their means.

Is it your fault if someone makes a promise to you that raises your expectation only to “let you down” by not delivering the promise? “No” and, to some degree, “Yes”.

It has long been my belief that, “Success happens when the result of an intention meets or exceeds a reasonable expectation.” Please note my emphasis on the word “reasonable”. 

It may be fairly reasonable for you to take someone at their word when they make you a promise. Assuming positive intent and giving someone the benefit of the doubt is a fundamental step in building a lasting relationship. Developing and displaying trust in another person is a healthy, critical human behavior. The trust you place in someone else will expand or contract depending on your experience with their PPA (Promise Performance Ability).

As your experience grows with each individual, you will develop either increasing or decreasing trust in the promises they make to you. Intellectually, you could create an EDI (Expectation Delivery Index) for your relationship with that person.

This index (EDI) could have a measurement for each promise that lets you calibrate the reasonableness of the expectation blooming from that promise. Some measurements might be:

• How much control do they have over the promise?

• Are they likely to follow through on the promise?

• Is the promise being made exclusively to you?

• Are the elements of the promise specific and clear?

Life and experience with that individual will help you develop other benchmarks for use in calibrating your EDI for them regarding future promises.

If your boss promises you a raise, but does not have full authority to deliver on that promise, how reasonable is your expectation? If it doesn’t come to fulfillment, how devastated should you be?

The reasonability of an expectation based on a promise from someone else is subject to multiple variables. The more these variables are beyond your control and theirs, the lower the reasonability of your expectation should be. One way to increase the reasonability of your expectation becoming fulfilled, is to do whatever you can to help the person making the promise, keep their promise.

If your boss promises you a raise, do everything you can to make sure that when the raise is proposed you are seen as deserving not just by time accrued, but in your productivity, creativity, dedication and reliability.

But what about the promises you make to yourself?

THE KINGDOM OF IMAGINATION

Have you ever made a promise to yourself? 

How does it make you feel if you keep it?How does it make you feel if you break it?

Promises you make to yourself spring from your imagination.

Let’s say you believe you are due for a raise. You then create an expectation based on that belief. This expectation blooms 100% from your vivid imagination. To fulfill this expectation, you will need to make a promise to yourself. A promise you will not break.

The promise must be a reasonable promise. To be reasonable, it should be a promise over which you have complete control, falling within your current skillset and resources. Unless you recruit the aide of others, you will be completely alone in this endeavor. Self-reliance will be the fuel in your expectation engine. Whether you eventually fulfill your expectation or not, the result will not come as a devastating shock. Because, throughout the process, you will know if you’re getting close to actuality or are still miles from your destination.

Remember, it’s your promise, your expectation, and your compelling dream. You will need to do everything you can to have the highest personal EDI possible when it comes to the promises you make to yourself.

GREAT EXPECTATIONS

Whether your expectation ends in a celebration of joy or the wretched pain of disappointment, it will be determined by the degree of intentional focus you bring to bear on your promise. If the promise is from someone else, you have a responsibility to help them in every way you can to keep that promise. 

If the promise is one you make to yourself, the same behavior applies. Honor that promise. Do everything within your power and ability to keep the promise and fulfill the expectation you’ve created.

People make promises to others and themselves and “hope” they will keep them. That seems to be the overall strategy. As you may know, I am not a big believer in “hope”. I believe a promise deserves the intention of the expectation it creates. 

All promises are vaporware. But a promise will lead you to imagine a compelling future in which you will experience something you might not be able to get for yourself either with your resources or skills. The difference between a Great Expectation and an unmet expectation is not in the promise made, it is in the ability of the promise maker to be full of intention and committed to fulfilling the promise.

Remember this the next time you raise an expectation.

Thanks for your support as a reader of my blog and I eagerly welcome any comments on how you’re thinking about achieving the possibility of your promise. Also, I would appreciate any suggestions you might have for future posts in this blog on a topic near and dear to you in the comments section below. As always, please feel free to share this post with a friend or colleague.

Bringing Positivity to Everything,
The Brain Tamer

Your Success will either DIE or LIVE on How You’re Thinking - Part II

“A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.”
Mark Twain

PART II

This is the second of a two-part blog that examines how “Your Success will either DIE or LIVE on How You’re Thinking.” In Part I we examined “The Natural Enemies of Promise” - Doubt, Indecision and Entropy. If you cannot defeat the Natural Enemies of Promise by changing how you think, the possibility of your promise will D.I.E.

In part two of how “Your Success will either DIE or LIVE on How You’re Thinking”, we will examine the Natural Allies of Promise that will enable you to L.I.V.E. the possibility of your promise.

I often hear people espouse about this dream and that dream and how they will, “Achieve it because they believe it!” Goody for them. Having a dream is a good start toward achieving the possibility of your promise. But, dreams can be misleading. What is a dream? It’s vaporware at best. You can’t hold it or mold it. A dream is born of your unconscious mind’s need to express a combination of experiences both vividly imagined and real into a synthesis that, for a fraction of time, makes sense.

If you want to use a dream as a platform for launching your toward reaching the possibility of your promise you will need to take it to the next step; converting your dream into a desire. Your success in converting that desire into a reality will L.I.V.E. on How You’re Thinking when you engage the Natural Allies of Promise as a framework for desire-based thinking.

THE NATURAL ALLIES OF PROMISE

The thinking-shift from a D.R.E.A.M. (a Deeply Rooted Emotionally Achievable Manifestation) to a D.E.S.I.R.E. (a Deeply Emotional Self-Interested Realistic Expectation) is pivotal if you want to reach the possibility of your promise. But, like all things, it’s tough to do it on your own. So, just like any project where you would look to fill in the gaps between your talent and your needs, the Natural Allies of Promise can help you fill the gaps in your desire-driven thinking, helping you keep focused on your intended goal. The Natural Allies of Promise are Longing, Intention, Viability, and Enthusiasm. Let’s briefly examine each’s role as a natural ally of promise.

Longing

When I was seven years old I saved up a bunch of box tops and sent away for a medal model of a red, Ford Thunderbird convertible. The process of waiting to receive that “prize” was my first exposure to desire-driven behavior. My yearning to hold that shiny red auto in my hands became the singular focus of an entire summer. I would plan my days around the mailman’s delivery schedule. In the days before tracking numbers, expectation that “today would be the day” was as close to instant gratification as I could get. My longing to achieve the possibility of the promise of this car as fulfillment of my expectation was the prime catalyst of my success.

Longing is a powerful ally in your desire to achieve something. A longing is more than an idle or passing thought. A longing is a persistent hunger for something accompanied by a burning, obsessive craving, unquenchable thirst to achieve a promise or reach an objective. A longing says you are in it for the long haul and it can be sufficient to sustain you through the temporary troths of your desire-driven thinking.

Intention

In my keynote presentation, “Hope Less Success”, I make a big deal out of telling my audiences there is no such thing as an accidental success. By the very definition of success (the achievement of an intention) you can see how crucial focused intention-based thinking is in achieving the possibility of your promise. In learning to LIVE your promise there is no substitute for intention. Intention is a keen awareness of your current state of progress toward your promise and the distance you will need to travel to close the gap between desire and achievement.

Intention is your internal resolve to do something; to be in control of the outcome as the active, driver of the initiative rather than a passive spectator willing to settle for the result regardless the score or its net effect on you. Intention is the “line in the sand” you will draw that says, “I will not retreat from where I stand. I will only move forward with every fiber of my body dedicated to achieving the possibility of my promise.

Viability

Success does not happen in a vacuum. It requires energy. Lots of it. Without a continuous supply of positive energy your drive to succeed will encounter the friction of entropy and will eventually erode both your attitude and aptitude. To counter this phenomenon, you will need to engage your viability engine.

Viability is your operational state of mind. It tells you that you cannot achieve the possibility of your promise without a deeply committed belief in the sustainability of your vision. Viability is your capacity for tenacity. It is that singular quality of mind that enables you to sustain your desire through belief in your promise’s right to exist. Viability is the reflection of both the competence and confidence you have in your ability to achieve the possibility of your promise.

Viability is your passport into the world of possibility where your desire can be actualized, limited only by your belief in your desire.

Enthusiasm

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.”

In short, there is no substitute for enthusiasm. Recently, I have encountered several startup companies whose reason for being has less to do with an enthusiasm for the customers they serve as it does for the “big pay day” when then can get acquired. Some of these companies are struggling to hang on. Some are finding it increasingly difficult to define themselves both internally and externally. Others are finding it difficult to attract both customers and investors because they have lost that “lovin’ feeling” for the enterprise they began.

Enthusiasm is an essential element of reaching the possibility of your promise. The phrase, “Do what you love, and the money will come”, is fantastic advice. When you have endless enthusiasm for what you do, your energy will be unlimited as well. Enthusiasm is a clear manifestation of mind over matter. When you hit “the wall”, encounter seeds of doubt, or begin to feel weary enthusiasm can provide the regenerative energy to jump start your desire-driven thinking and propel you toward achieving your promise.

THE CHOICE IS YOURS

Over the last two blogs we examined how Your Success will either DIE or LIVE on How You’re Thinking. In Part I, we looked at The Natural Enemies of Promise – Doubt, Indecision and Entropy and the roles they play in derailing you from achieving the possibility of your promise.

In Part II, we examined The Natural Allies of Promise – Longing, Intention, Viability and Enthusiasm and how they can be harnessed to redirect, reinvigorate and regenerate your desire-driven thinking en route to achieving the possibility of your promise.

Whether you are willing to let the possibility of your promise D.I.E. or L.I.V.E. is a matter of how you think. The choice is up to you.

Thanks for your support as a reader of my blog and I eagerly welcome any comments on how you’re thinking about achieving the possibility of your promise.  Also, I would appreciate any suggestions you might have for future posts in this blog on a topic near and dear to you in the comments section below. As always, please feel free to share this post with a friend or colleague.

Bringing Positivity to Everything,
The Brain Tamer

Your Success will either DIE or LIVE on How You’re Thinking - Part 1

“Perceived failure is oftentimes success trying to be born in a bigger way.”
Chinese Fortune Cookie

PART I

As either a speaker or leader, the possibility of your success is ever present, ever changing, and never ending. The one certain thing I know, is that you will take and remain in control of that success potential when you discover how to define and refine your success mindset. The seeds of success must be planted and nurtured in the mind of the achiever if they are to have any possibility of taking root and reaching maturity.

If you’re looking for the most direct route to achieving success, look between your ears. Examine your current state of thinking toward your destination and become intimately aware of both the natural Enemies and the Allies of your promise.

THE NATURAL ENEMIES OF PROMISE

It might be hard for you to imagine (or not) that lying within the same fabric of energy from which you weave the dream, desire and eventual positive outcome of a promise are the same threads from which you may sew its destruction. These natural enemies of promise lurk beneath the surface of your positive energy waiting for that moment when the slightest crack in your resolve presents the opportunity for them to insidiously strike at the heart of your desire.

Without any fanfare or warning they will inject their venom into your thinking system causing the possibility of your promise to D.I.E.

The natural enemies of promise are Doubt, Indecision and Entropy. Let’s briefly examine each’s role as a natural enemy of promise.

Doubt

You’ve may have heard the expression, “sowing the seeds of doubt.” It’s true. Doubt is an easily planted, quick-rooting seed. Once planted it becomes self-nurturing, feeding upon a growing bed of uncertainty about the outcome of a possibility. Doubt can cause the deeply convicted to consider questionable or unlikely the strength of their conviction. Doubt is that critical moment when you hesitate to believe the possibility of your promise. Doubt is never an ally of the bold, the innovative, or the achiever.

The purveyors of Doubt are all around you. Even in places you might consider “safe”. Eliminate doubters from all facets of your endeavor. This might include friends, family, peers, superiors and subordinates, partners and patrons. If your goal is to succeed at achieving the possibility of your promise, you must build a wall of resistance and learn to cast away all signs of doubt. Steel yourself to the struggles ahead while learning to plant seeds of positivity nurtured by the faith of your conviction.

Indecision

My dad was one heck of a very successful salesman. Not only was he a success, but many of the people who worked for him were successful as well. One of the favorite expressions he used to inspire and instruct his sales force in helping them learn how to close for the benefit of the customer was, “Not to decide, is to decide.”

Indecision is an infectiously paralytic mindset that inflicts upon a person’s possibility of promise the inability to decide in both initial and critical situations. Unlike doubt that causes one to reconsider a belief, indecision robs the possibility of promise of its right to exist by shutting down all forward momentum. Indecision is the quicksand of the mind in which a current state of sinking in overwhelm becomes the accepted norm. Indecision is treading water with no apparent safe shore in sight.

Your goal in dispelling indecision is latch on to your resolve. See the possibility of your promise for all of the wonderous reasons that initially inspired you. Deepen your intention and take the leap of faith you dreamed of at the start.

Entropy

All endeavors exist on the same basic ingredient, energy. For most speakers and leaders this energy is limitless. It is culled from the intensity of their vision and the desire to share their vision with a wider, deeper impact.

Entropy is a doctrine of inevitable decline and degeneration. It tells us that, universally, reaching the possibility of your promise is an uphill battle. Things have a tendency toward deterioration. When pursuing the possibility of your promise you must know that whatever energy (enthusiasm) you amassed to begin will not be sufficient to sustain. To overcome the forces of entropy you will need to find ways to continually add to your supply of energy.

It’s not easy, but it is possible. Positive mindset techniques like expanding your vision, increasing the scope of your pursuit, and increasing the number of people that are aware of your promise are all ways you can add energy to your endeavor to counter the effects of entropy.

DON’T LET YOUR PROMISE D.I.E.

The natural enemies of promise are formidable, but not controllable. To become the master of the enemies you will need to intensify and solidify your positive mindset. When doubt, indecision or entropy begin to surface, you will need to learn how to adeptly hit the reset button without losing momentum. Remember, the solution lies between your ears.

TO BE CONTINUED…

This is the first of a two-part blog that will examine how “Your Success will either DIE or LIVE on How You’re Thinking.” In this part we examined “The Natural Enemies of Promise” - Doubt, Indecision and Entropy. If you cannot defeat the Natural Enemies of Promise by changing how you think, the possibility of your promise will D.I.E.

In part two of how “Your Success will either DIE or LIVE on How You’re Thinking”, we will examine the Natural Allies of Promise that will enable you to L.I.V.E. the possibility of your promise.

Thanks for your support as a reader of my blog and I eagerly welcome any comments on this post or suggestions you might have for a future blog on a topic near and dear to you in the comments section below. As always, please feel free to share this post with a friend or colleague.

Bringing Positivity to Everything,
The Brain Tamer

You can successfully profit from “A Labor of Love.”

“Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success.
If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.”
Albert Schweitzer

Like most of you, I am mourning the "official" end of summer. So much potential for relaxation seemed to turn on the currents of urgency. Life, death, joy, and recovery were all part of "a summer to remember." And now, "It's back to work!"

I am looking forward to a return to something that is both routine and productive. Oddly, both of these things are a necessary part of work. Without routine, work tends to be haphazard, unstructured and quite possibly counterproductive. Without productivity, work is aimless, unaccountable and unquantifiable therefore rendering it meaningless and valueless. Work without value is like treading water, it may keep your head above water, but you are not making any progress. Even, a Labor of Love.

A LABOR OF LOVE

On the day before Labor Day, of our 33rd anniversary, my wife and I volunteered to work at a festival for a group we had never met, had no direct contact to and did not plan to join at any time in the future. When we got there, we found they lacked a great deal of the organization and know-how required to cook food for the masses. Both of us had significant festival food experience by virtue of being "band parents" for seven years (somewhere around 25,000 hamburgers served.) You never know when or which of the experiences in your life will be of the greatest value to others. For four hours we toiled under humid conditions without the proper tools or facilities. We improvised, encouraged, instructed and organized. In short, we had a ball! We couldn't have asked for a more reaffirming and rewarding experience as an exclamation point to this "summer to remember."

At the end of our shift, the organizer called us "Angels sent from God." I told him he should call my mother and let her know her son is an "angel." This Labor of Love really had extreme value in so many ways. First, we met new people, always a pleasant and vibrant experience. Second, we learned that even the little things we do can make a great difference to those in need. Third, we left an imprint on others that should kindle in them the ability to reach out to others who at some time in the future may need their help too. Lastly, on our anniversary, we reaffirmed our love for each other by sharing our "precious" time doing something "angelic" for strangers.

Intangible Value + Doing Something Joyful = A Labor of Love

GIVING RETURNS SUCCESS

I'm not sure how often you may have an opportunity to volunteer or just take the time to do something that doesn't cross your palm with anything but a handshake, but you should. Service to our fellow beings, human or animal, is one of the keys to understanding the universal question of "Why are we here?" We grow exponentially every time we reach out and connect with someone or some group. That growth is measurable yet infinite as long as it is embraced, not as a means to an end but, as a way of life. The concept of "Reaching out and touching" someone has less to do with communicating than it does with the love we should have for each other and the unique opportunity helping others affords each of us to enhance the total significance of all humanity. When the opportunity presents itself, choose to be a helpful person and you’ll experience a valuable element of a successful life. Remember, success is simply the achievement of an intention.

SAGE ADVICE

Albert Schweitzer was spot on when he said, “Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.”. Whether you speak or lead people for a living, think about how valuable your skills might be to a cause in need. Having personally experienced the rewarding experience and “good feelings” I get every time my contributions help promote a worthy cause, I can't imagine my life without it. I encourage you to seek the opportunity to make a difference through a “labor of love”. When you do, the rewards of the experience will be priceless.

In this blog, I have introduced a formula. Formulas are a coaching tool I have used for years with profound results. Feel free to collect them and integrate them into your success strategies as you see fit.

Thanks for your support as a reader of my blog and I eagerly welcome any comments on this post or suggestions you might have for a future blog on a topic near and dear to you in the comments section below. As always, please feel free to share this post with a friend or colleague.

Bringing Positivity to Everything,
The Brain Tamer

Behind every excuse you give is a reason asking you to own it.

"An excuse becomes an obstacle in your journey to success when it is made in place of your best effort or when it is used as the object of the blame."
Bo Bennett

Can you imagine walking into a meeting with a major client and instead of beginning your presentation you pause and say the following, “You may not believe this, but my dog ate my thumb drive and I will not be able to make my presentation today.”

I trust you cannot imagine yourself actually saying anything like this, but I have been in large public forums where I have heard speakers basically say something similar. I have also been in classrooms where students have offered the modern-day equivalent of “my dog ate my homework”. You know the one. It gets used a lot in business too. Can you guess it?

Stumped?

OK, I’ll relieve your befuddlement. Tell me if you’ve ever heard this famous excuse in place of actual performance, “My hard drive crashed.”

This leaves me wondering, why is it so easy for people to make excuses for their shortfalls and so hard instead for them to offer a reason for the outcome?

Do you know what the difference is between an Excuse and a Reason?

Read on and I’ll explain.

CAN THINGS HAPPEN ACCIDENTALLY ON PURPOSE?

Things happen in life, some by intention and so many more by accident. By its very definition an accident is “an event that happens by chance or that is without apparent or deliberate cause”. So, let’s be clear on something, there is no such thing as an intentional accident. An accident has no deliberate cause, but it does have a reason.

Because accidents happen so frequently, many people find it convenient to use an accident as an excuse. “I was late to the wedding because I accidentally burned my shirt while ironing it.” An accident is not an excuse. An accident is a reason. Inside every excuse is a reason screaming to be free. The hidden reason in this accident might sound something like this, “I was late to the wedding because I accidentally burned my shirt while ironing it because I was engrossed in the big game and forgot to look at the shirt until I smelled smoke.”

A pure accident is one that occurs to you in which you have no role other than to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Most of us call this “bad luck”.

The old adage says, “Everything happens for a reason.” It does not say, “Everything happens by excuse.” There are many things we classify as an accident and leave it at that. We either lack the resolve or the intention to prevent a repeat of this event in the future. This type of behavior meets the now classic definition of insanity, “doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results”. In truth, we might find that many accidents have very clear reasons for their happening that are simply the result of poorly focused or missing intention. However, what we can choose to extract from any accident is the way we react to it. The most important outcome we can harvest from an accident is to understand the reason of its cause and how we might play a role in preventing future occurrences.

WHAT IS AN EXCUSE?

An Excuse is “a reason put forward to conceal the real reason for an action; a pretext.” This can be stated another way, an excuse is “the explanation of an event in which the outcome is someone else’s fault”.

“My dog ate my homework” is an excuse offered as a reason to quickly absolve a person of responsibility for the outcome and neatly shift the blame to a defenseless creature.

People will even offer an excuse and frame in terms of an accident. “Dinner is late because I “accidentally” forgot to take the meat out to defrost in time to cook it.” There is no accident here, just a lame excuse that makes the giver seem helpless against the forces of nature. Forgetfulness is not an excuse. Who is at fault here, the freezer for effectively doing its job or the cook for forgetting how to do theirs?

Every excuse, real or imagined has a reason looking for someone to own it.

WHAT IS A REASON?

A Reason is, “a cause, explanation, or justification for an action or event.” Another way to put this is a reason is “the explanation of an event in which the outcome is your responsibility”.

Excuse: “My dog ate my homework.”

Reason: “My dog ate my homework because I was careless, dripped some hamburger juice on it and left it on the floor near his bowl.”

There is always a reason behind every excuse you give asking you to own it. An accident has a cause and you may have a role in it by way of intention or lack of it that will constitute the reason for its cause.

A few years back I went to a major speaking event with one of my clients so that she could study and learn what are the best and worst skills being practiced in the speaking industry. We watched and listened to a lot of speakers that day. A few were very good, some were okay, and a few were just terrible. I don’t want to go into to everything we witnessed that day, but I will highlight one of the speakers.

This speaker, a well-known real estate mogul from a popular television show, took the stage and then proceeded to fumble her way through her PowerPoint presentation. About one-third of the way through she began to offer an excuse for the problem she was having. “Oh, I’m really sorry, but I just got these new slides from my designer late yesterday and this is the first time I am seeing them.”

Ouch! How lame is that excuse. How insulted would that make you feel if she were making you a presentation on a big pricey piece of real estate?

I listened to her excuse loud and clear, but what I really heard was this reason, “I am way too over-stretched at the moment and I probably should not have even taken on this speaking engagement because I just did not have the time to prepare. But, they offered me so much money I couldn’t say no. So, I thought I would just show up and, because you all love me sooooo much, you would give me a bye if I screwed up completely.” This is what I call a poor excuse of a speaker.

SPEAKING AND LEADING FROM REASON

Speakers and leaders can profit from offering reasons instead of excuses. When you offer an excuse, it changes nothing. It does not assure your audience or those you lead that you are making a commitment to preventing a repeat outcome of an event or actions.

As popular motivational speaker Bo Bennet says, “An excuse becomes an obstacle in your journey to success when it is made in place of your best effort or when it is used as the object of the blame."

Nothing succeeds like success, and nothing will help you succeed faster than having fully focused intentions and doing everything by reason. Success is not an accident, so stop making excuses for the things that don’t go as planned.

When you take responsibility for the outcomes of events, people will trust you, believe you and follow you with conviction and commitment. When you take responsibility for the outcomes of events you will grow, trust and believe in yourself, your goal and your future.

My reason for sharing this blog with you is to help you step off of the easy road of excuses and onto the harder, surer road of reasons. Speaking and leading with intention is never an accident and always leads to a pleasant journey followed by a delightful destination.

I deeply appreciate your support as a reader of my blog and I eagerly welcome any comments on this post or suggestions you might have for a future blog on a topic near and dear to you in the comments section below. As always, please feel free to share this post with a friend or colleague.

Bringing Positivity to Everything,
The Brain Tamer