Behind every excuse you give is a reason asking you to own it.

"An excuse becomes an obstacle in your journey to success when it is made in place of your best effort or when it is used as the object of the blame."
Bo Bennett

Can you imagine walking into a meeting with a major client and instead of beginning your presentation you pause and say the following, “You may not believe this, but my dog ate my thumb drive and I will not be able to make my presentation today.”

I trust you cannot imagine yourself actually saying anything like this, but I have been in large public forums where I have heard speakers basically say something similar. I have also been in classrooms where students have offered the modern-day equivalent of “my dog ate my homework”. You know the one. It gets used a lot in business too. Can you guess it?

Stumped?

OK, I’ll relieve your befuddlement. Tell me if you’ve ever heard this famous excuse in place of actual performance, “My hard drive crashed.”

This leaves me wondering, why is it so easy for people to make excuses for their shortfalls and so hard instead for them to offer a reason for the outcome?

Do you know what the difference is between an Excuse and a Reason?

Read on and I’ll explain.

CAN THINGS HAPPEN ACCIDENTALLY ON PURPOSE?

Things happen in life, some by intention and so many more by accident. By its very definition an accident is “an event that happens by chance or that is without apparent or deliberate cause”. So, let’s be clear on something, there is no such thing as an intentional accident. An accident has no deliberate cause, but it does have a reason.

Because accidents happen so frequently, many people find it convenient to use an accident as an excuse. “I was late to the wedding because I accidentally burned my shirt while ironing it.” An accident is not an excuse. An accident is a reason. Inside every excuse is a reason screaming to be free. The hidden reason in this accident might sound something like this, “I was late to the wedding because I accidentally burned my shirt while ironing it because I was engrossed in the big game and forgot to look at the shirt until I smelled smoke.”

A pure accident is one that occurs to you in which you have no role other than to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Most of us call this “bad luck”.

The old adage says, “Everything happens for a reason.” It does not say, “Everything happens by excuse.” There are many things we classify as an accident and leave it at that. We either lack the resolve or the intention to prevent a repeat of this event in the future. This type of behavior meets the now classic definition of insanity, “doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results”. In truth, we might find that many accidents have very clear reasons for their happening that are simply the result of poorly focused or missing intention. However, what we can choose to extract from any accident is the way we react to it. The most important outcome we can harvest from an accident is to understand the reason of its cause and how we might play a role in preventing future occurrences.

WHAT IS AN EXCUSE?

An Excuse is “a reason put forward to conceal the real reason for an action; a pretext.” This can be stated another way, an excuse is “the explanation of an event in which the outcome is someone else’s fault”.

“My dog ate my homework” is an excuse offered as a reason to quickly absolve a person of responsibility for the outcome and neatly shift the blame to a defenseless creature.

People will even offer an excuse and frame in terms of an accident. “Dinner is late because I “accidentally” forgot to take the meat out to defrost in time to cook it.” There is no accident here, just a lame excuse that makes the giver seem helpless against the forces of nature. Forgetfulness is not an excuse. Who is at fault here, the freezer for effectively doing its job or the cook for forgetting how to do theirs?

Every excuse, real or imagined has a reason looking for someone to own it.

WHAT IS A REASON?

A Reason is, “a cause, explanation, or justification for an action or event.” Another way to put this is a reason is “the explanation of an event in which the outcome is your responsibility”.

Excuse: “My dog ate my homework.”

Reason: “My dog ate my homework because I was careless, dripped some hamburger juice on it and left it on the floor near his bowl.”

There is always a reason behind every excuse you give asking you to own it. An accident has a cause and you may have a role in it by way of intention or lack of it that will constitute the reason for its cause.

A few years back I went to a major speaking event with one of my clients so that she could study and learn what are the best and worst skills being practiced in the speaking industry. We watched and listened to a lot of speakers that day. A few were very good, some were okay, and a few were just terrible. I don’t want to go into to everything we witnessed that day, but I will highlight one of the speakers.

This speaker, a well-known real estate mogul from a popular television show, took the stage and then proceeded to fumble her way through her PowerPoint presentation. About one-third of the way through she began to offer an excuse for the problem she was having. “Oh, I’m really sorry, but I just got these new slides from my designer late yesterday and this is the first time I am seeing them.”

Ouch! How lame is that excuse. How insulted would that make you feel if she were making you a presentation on a big pricey piece of real estate?

I listened to her excuse loud and clear, but what I really heard was this reason, “I am way too over-stretched at the moment and I probably should not have even taken on this speaking engagement because I just did not have the time to prepare. But, they offered me so much money I couldn’t say no. So, I thought I would just show up and, because you all love me sooooo much, you would give me a bye if I screwed up completely.” This is what I call a poor excuse of a speaker.

SPEAKING AND LEADING FROM REASON

Speakers and leaders can profit from offering reasons instead of excuses. When you offer an excuse, it changes nothing. It does not assure your audience or those you lead that you are making a commitment to preventing a repeat outcome of an event or actions.

As popular motivational speaker Bo Bennet says, “An excuse becomes an obstacle in your journey to success when it is made in place of your best effort or when it is used as the object of the blame."

Nothing succeeds like success, and nothing will help you succeed faster than having fully focused intentions and doing everything by reason. Success is not an accident, so stop making excuses for the things that don’t go as planned.

When you take responsibility for the outcomes of events, people will trust you, believe you and follow you with conviction and commitment. When you take responsibility for the outcomes of events you will grow, trust and believe in yourself, your goal and your future.

My reason for sharing this blog with you is to help you step off of the easy road of excuses and onto the harder, surer road of reasons. Speaking and leading with intention is never an accident and always leads to a pleasant journey followed by a delightful destination.

I deeply appreciate your support as a reader of my blog and I eagerly welcome any comments on this post or suggestions you might have for a future blog on a topic near and dear to you in the comments section below. As always, please feel free to share this post with a friend or colleague.

Bringing Positivity to Everything,
The Brain Tamer

What are you really saying when you offer an apology for your work?

“No good apology ever included the words, “if” or “but”.
Anna Silk as Bo Dennis in Lost Girl

Years ago, there was a friend of mine that was so used to apologizing even the license plate on her car read “I’M SORRY”.

I always felt a little sad for her because she was and still is a really great person, with a shining personality, genuine self-esteem, and as faithful to her word as a saint. She truly had little to apologize for even after life dealt her some incredibly hard blows. In the face of these tragic occurrences, she never made excuses. Instead, she just dug down deep inside her well of persistent determination and gave it everything she had.

My friend saw the world as such a sunny place, that I am sure it was the reason she was always so “Sorry” for everything that happened, whether she had a hand in it or not. Perhaps we should be grateful there are good people in this world who really want the world to be a better place, even to the extent of taking the blame for its shortfalls.

I believe most people offer an apology from a sincere heart. In fact, I have operated on this principle most of my life. But lately, I have been subjected to a string of heartless apologies from insincere companies and professionals that makes me question the value and sincerity of a 21st century apology.

WHY DO WE APOLOGIZE?

In today’s world of business, the act of offering an apology has been strategically hi-jacked. Companies readily offer apologies for everything from a missed appointment to outright failure to perform. Most of these apologies are offered as a way of sounding sincere with the expectation of taking the bite out of the bark of a disappointed customer. The apology given as a corporate strategy with little or no intent to cure an error is about as empty an apology as you can find.

I’m not saying it is the wrong to apologize, I just believe it is pointless to apologize without a promise of action.

I can only think of two reasons why anyone should ever offer an apology.

• Reason #1: As the result of an action in order to establish terms for a redress of the aggrieved party.

• Reason #2: As a means of accepting responsibility while asking for foregiveness for a promise you could not keep.

WHAT ARE YOU REALLY SAYING WHEN YOU APOLOGIZE?

When you enter into a relationship with someone, whether personal or business, there exists an expectation of performance based on something called an “implied contract”. Whether you know it or not, you move in and out of these implied contracts all day long. Implied contracts are based on an expectation of intention. When you pump gas into your car, you are allowed to do so under the intention that you will pay for it. You are willing to pay for the gas because you have an expectation of performance based on the brand’s reputation or octane rating. That is the implied contract. It is an informal type of promise. Promises are the bedrock of Trust; hard to earn, easy to lose.

When you apologize for not keeping a promise, what are you really saying about yourself or your business:

•  “I overstated my ability to deliver on the promise I made to you.”

• “I made this promise to you out of desperation without considering how you might react if I could not fulfill my promise.”

• “I made this promise to you, but I figured if I could not keep my promise to you I could just apologize, and you would forgive me.”

• “It’s easier for me to apologize and inconvenience you, than it is for me to get it right the first time.”

•  “I make promises all the time with no intention of keeping them because that’s just how things are.”

•  “I specialize in empty promises.”

None of the above are acceptable responses under any conditions. If you are a leader or run a business, accept that you will, at some point, need to apologize for some shortfall of your team or business. When you do, be sincere and have a plan for erasing the bad taste of a promise broken.

HOW TO AVOID EMPTY APOLOGIES

• Do not offer an apology without a plan to make things not only right, but better.

• Do not apologize without having the intent to double down on future efforts to win back lost trust.

• If you make an apology, insist that you understand its acceptance will be performance based.

• Never include the words “if” or “but” in your apology.

In an apology, the injured party holds all of the chips. After failing to perform, an apology should not include any conditional language. A sincere apology cannot be made according to the giver’s terms. The giver of an apology has no right to dictate or negotiate its terms.

WHEN SPEAKERS SHOULD AND SHOULD NOT APOLOGIZE

Speakers tend to apologize for a lot of things including skipping a section, forgetting their place, having a cold, and so on. I once heard a speaker apologize for being boring. But, the number one thing I hear speakers make an apology for is not being “perfect.”

Remember, your speaker’s credibility is the foundation of the trust an audience confers on you. The relationship between a speaker and an audience is a fragile implied contract in which one party offers their focused attention in exchange for valuable information, motivation, and enjoyment.

That said, every speaker has the right not to be perfect. No audience has the right to expect perfection from a speaker.

Whatever you think you need to apologize for as a speaker, think about what you might be saying to your audience when you do. Are you saying:

• “I lost my place because I did not put enough preparation in to this effort.”

• “I left out that section because it was probably not that important.”

• “I’m not that excited to be here talking about this stuff.”

• “I was up all last night getting plastered at the hotel bar.”

When you speak, only apologize for those things beyond your control. Everything else, the stuff within your control, requires your full intention in order to deliver on the promise of your speech. How you fulfill this promise is up to you.

I will make no apologies for this blog’s content. I trust you enjoyed it and it will help you to avoid making future empty apologies in your personal and professional life. I appreciate your support as a reader of my blog and I welcome any comment on this post or suggestions you might have in the comments section below. As always, please feel free to share this post with a friend or colleague.

Bringing Positivity to Everything,
The Brain Tamer