Stop thinking about where you are, and start focusing more on where you need to be!

"Within all of us is a divine capacity to manifest and attract
all that we need and desire."
Wayne Dyer

Destinations are quirky things. They are often incubated in a vacuum, isolated from a myriad of variables and then adopted with blind ambition and dedication.

For aspiring speakers, the destination might manifest itself in a desire to be on a stage in front of a larger audience mesmerizing them with your profound observations and wisdom.

The urge to take to the stage without first determining the content and value of what you will say once you get there often proves to be a harsh reality, best experienced in solitude rather than in public.

The awkwardness of wanting something without assessing what you may need to acquire to obtain it is a dilemma I regularly find aspiring speakers struggling to overcome.

To get from where you are (the desire to speak) to where you need to be (having something worthwhile to say that is both deeply profound and well developed) is akin to choosing a destination and then figuring out how you will actually get there.

For every worthwhile destination, you must be willing to embrace the journey to get there.

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A TRIP AND A JOURNEY

We all know (at least you should after this blog) that life is not about the destination, it is about the journey. So, it makes sense to learn not to trip through life, but to enjoy the journey as you go.

A trip is an act of going to a place and returning. A great experience, but you have the tendency to end up exactly where you began. Trips do have destinations, but they limit themselves because of the expectation of returning to where you began.

If you are like most people, you take a trip to one place and back again nearly every day. Whether it is the commute to work or the “taxi” trips to and from dance lessons, sports, or the grocery. Most of these short-run, quick-return experiences happen in a nearly rote manner. Sometimes we complete the cycle with such detachment that we wonder if we actually have completed them.

But a journey offers you so much more in the pursuit of a destination.

A journey is an act of traveling from one place to another. It can also be a long and often difficult process of personal change and development.

What can elevate a trip from the mundane into true “journey” status is what happens to you along the way. Most importantly, what happens to you along the way is what will become the foundation of the value and wisdom you will share when you are speaking. So, ask yourself:

• What happened?

• Why did it happen?

• What did I learn from it?

• What am I going to do differently?

The process of becoming a successful speaker, whose theme and message offer value and substance to your audiences, requires the creating of a road map to assist you on the journey to your destination. Your road map needs only have three way-points:

1. Defining Your Destination

2. Discovering Your Intention

3. Designing Your Presentation

DEFINING YOUR DESTINATION

The speaking world consists of six tiers of speakers. I call this list “The Speaking World’s Hierarchy”.

Regardless of where you are as a speaker within this list, there will be things you must do or obtain to get to where you need to be. The tier you choose becomes your destination. You will need to study the destination and assess where you are and how much you will need to do to reach your destination. This assessment should include the level of your speaking desire (commitment), the depth of your content (foundational message development), and your platform delivery skills (stage presence). You will need all of these, extensively developed, to become a successful speaker and reach your destination.

DISCOVERING YOUR INVENTION

I’ve often heard a speaker encourage an audience to become more tenacious by citing the story of Thomas Edison’s invention of the light bulb as the result of nearly one thousand attempts. While this is true, is it hardly original content. Which leads me to wonder how many attempts at an original example of tenacity did this speaker make?

Becoming a successful speaker means you will need to discover your foundational message as the result of your own invention. It will exist after you have challenged yourself to pursue a line of thought or interest to its deepest level. From that valley you will rise with a powerful understanding and the “voice” and passion to share it.

To become a successful speaker, you will need to find your “voice”. This means you must find a way to refine all of what you know, feel and have experienced into a themed presentation that is uniquely yours. You cannot pretend to be something or someone you are not. Therefore, you cannot vastly copy or borrow from others. You must find and extract every piece of original precious material from the “nuggets” within your mind.

This process requires time, temperament and tenacity. It is not easy, especially when you have a lifetime of achievement, experience and wisdom you wish to share with your audiences.

It is at this stage of development that you might become bogged down in the mire of your own thinking. You can become overwhelmed by the torrent of thoughts streaming from your mind. Understanding how to extract and refine relevant and riveting content is the most essential step in becoming a successful speaker.

How can you reduce the “fire hose” of what you know, feel and have experienced down to the sprinkling of ideas you are compelled to share with an audience?

To succeed at this process, you will need to learn how to use mind mapping and story extraction tools. Many successful speakers also engage the guidance of a personal coach, as well, to help them through this stage.

Once you pass through this stage you will discover the invention of a foundational message you can trust and so will your audiences. Your new invention will speak to your core values, inspire others to action, motivate people to change thoughts and behaviors, and positively transform their lives.

DESIGNING YOUR PRESENTATION

The ultimate goal of every successful speech is for their speech to become memorable and repeatable. Your speech, no matter how essential the content may be, will not succeed if you do not reach these two critical outcomes.

So, in order to become a successful speaker, you will have to study how audiences think, listen and learn. It is not enough to have something to say, you must know how to say it effectively.

Here is a short list (from a much longer list) of some things you must do to successfully design your presentation.

• Choose each word with clear intention and understanding.

• Incorporate as many speech and pattern devices as you can to further your audience’s understanding and their desire to act on what you say.

• Place the stories you will tell to drive home the point you want to make in just the right spot.

• Know how to take and hold the stage with confidence in yourself and your content.

• Use your voice as a powerful communication instrument enabling your audience to embrace not just what you are saying, but how you are saying it.

• Use the speaking area to your fullest advantage to promote understanding and help lock in retention.

• Control all technology so that is enhances what you are saying without detracting or distracting the audience’s focus from you, the speaker.

DELIVERING ON DESIRE

To become a successful speaker requires you to take control of the whole process. As the late Dr. Wayne Dyer said, "Within all of us is a divine capacity to manifest and attract all that we need and desire."

If you desire to become a more successful speaker at work or as a profession, I urge you to stop thinking about where you are, and start focusing on where you need to be. Intensify your focus on obtaining all that you currently do not possess in order to reach your desired destination.

Change is a process and it will require time, temperament and tenacity from you to achieve it. While it is prudent to “keep your eyes on the prize”, remember the finish line comes at the end of the race not at the beginning, so focus your intention on every lap.

I’m delighted to have the opportunity of sharing how you can define, discover and design your journey towards becoming a successful speaker. I trust you will embrace this journey for all of the glory and exhilaration it can offer. I appreciate your support as a reader of my blog and I eagerly welcome any comments on this post or suggestions you might have for a future blog on a topic near and dear to you in the comments section below. As always, please feel free to share this post with a friend or colleague.

Bringing Positivity to Everything,
The Brain Tamer

A Simple Way You Can Create a Positive Mindset by Exchanging One Simple Word for Another

"Getting to Have what you Need is much better than
Having to Get what you Want.”
Don E. Smith

I often encounter articles extolling me to have “An Attitude of Gratitude.” Perhaps you do as well.

Gratitude is a powerful life-force. It is the verbal equivalent of chicken soup. If you use it in your life, it cannot hurt. I cannot think of a single instance in my life when someone expressed their gratitude to me and it did not have a positive effect, and vice versa. Gratitude is what we share with others when we are pleased by what they have done. You can convey your gratitude to someone for a job well done, a favor performed, or steadfast support of what matters to you. But, I’d like to challenge the habit of having “An Attitude of Gratitude” when we speak to ourselves.

The practice of positive self-talk is a critical element in any success strategy. If you tell yourself you are grateful for something you have done, acquired or achieved you are basically thanking yourself for doing something for yourself. I call this Appreciation because it recognizes your unique value.

Throughout my coaching practice, I have used a simple word switch technique to help my clients make a shift from Gratitude to Appreciation. By simply exchanging two words, “Have” and “Get” they have been able to eliminate stress and anxiety while increasing their energy and enthusiasm for leading and speaking.

While Gratitude and Appreciation are closely aligned they can be distinguished by how they align with your Wants & Needs.

THE 411 ON WANTS AND NEEDS

Back in 1969, The Rolling Stones shared with us this highly enlightened piece of philosophy:

“You can't always get what you want.
But if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need.”

There is so much wisdom in this line. I only wish I understood it’s value when I first heard it. To complicate matters even more, it’s highly unusual for you to have what you want until you get what you need. It’s even harder to keep it.

Every coaching relationship I have, whether for leadership or speaking, begins with an assessment of three things: 1) what does the client want to achieve, 2) what current assets and resources does the client currently have, and 3) what does the client need to get in order to fill the gap between the two.

Every person who has taken a class or has a passing interest in psychology knows about Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. In its most simple view, it tells us that you cannot rise to the level above until you get what is needed in the level you currently occupy.

In terms of priorities, Needs always trumps Wants. The less you need to get, the easier it is to have what you want.

Wants are Haves and Needs are Gets.

“I want to have a vacation in the Caribbean, but I need to get more money and time to take it.”

THE BURDEN OF HAVING

Believe it or not, Having (wanting) is part of our Gratitude mindset. We are grateful for the things we have. If someone gives you a gift, you now “have” it and you must show your gratitude to them for giving it to you. Because they don’t “have” to give it to you, the burden is on you to make sure they know you are thankful. Gifts come with the responsibility to show how grateful you are for the gift by using it and taking care of it.

There is an old joke that goes like this. A mother asks her son, “What do you want for your birthday?” The young man says, “I want a new tie Ma.” On the day of his birthday his mother gives her son not one, but two ties as a present. The next day he comes downstairs for breakfast wearing one of the ties. His mother looks him over quizzically and then asks him, “What’s the matter… you didn’t like the other tie?”

Want to Have to Responsibility, I couldn’t have said it better.

Think of all of the things you have wanted that you know have. Do these “haves” tend to weigh you down. You want to own a house, but you have to maintain it. You want a job to help pay the mortgage, but you have to work it.

THE BLESSING OF GETTING

Let’s play my little word switching game. Here are a series of responsibilities. When you read them, can you feel them weighing you down?

I have to pay my mortgage.
I have to paint my house.
I have pick up my kids.
I have pick up my cleaning.
I have to work late.
I have to call my mom.

Now let’s switch the word Get for the word Have in each of these sentences.

I get to pay my mortgage.
I get to paint my house.
I get pick up my kids.
I get pick up my cleaning.
I get to work late.
I get to call my mom.

As you read each of these statements, do they make you feel more appreciative of the things in your life? Appreciation is a positive mindset that celebrates Opportunity. You may not like your lousy job with your over-bearing, clueless boss, but at least you get to work.

The formulas looks like this:

(Want + Have) * Gratitude = Responsibility
(Need + Get) * Appreciation = Opportunity

GETTING TO LEAD & SPEAK

I am always amused when someone tells me they have to give a speech, run a meeting, or address an industry gathering. The last time I looked, I don’t remember any of these things being done under threat of physical harm.

Speaking and leading are getting things. They are unique Opportunities, ripe with potential and unlimited possibility. They should be embraced with wide open arms, abundant enthusiasm, and focused intention. They are special things to be fully appreciated upon both receiving and completing. Perhaps more people would step up to seize theses unique moments if they could make the shift from having a daunting responsibility to getting an unbridled opportunity.

The next time you feel you have to do something because you feel a responsibility to do it, practice some positive self-talk and switch the word get for have. It will help you eliminate stress and anxiety while increasing your energy and enthusiasm. You will be better positioned to seize the opportunity before you with full appreciation for the reward it brings as both a leader and speaker. When you do, you will see that “Getting to Have what you Need is much better than Having to Get what you Want.”

I am delighted that I get to share this blog with you and I am grateful for your support. Remember, you don’t have to leave a comment on this post or suggestions in the comments section below, but you get to do so with my sincere gratitude. As always, please feel free to share this post with a friend or colleague.

Bringing Positivity to Everything,
The Brain Tamer