How to Grow Your Speaking Voice through Respect.

“Stupid is as stupid does.”
Forrest Gump

These words above, from the fictional title character of the film, Forrest Gump, have amazing clarity and truth. Think about it as it applies to you. We all do stupid things, mostly by accident, sometimes by omission, and other times strictly due to a lack of concentration. But, “Stupid is as stupid does.” Let’s take a closer look.

I feel safe in venturing that few, if any, of us wake up each morning with the singular goal of, “Gee, what stupid things can I do today and still live to tell about it?” Yet, we manage to do more stupid than brilliant things without really trying. The fact that we are not aware of our own propensity for stupidity may be more of a curse than a blessing. The fortunate end of this is that most often the stupid things we do are little things which, when taken individually, have little or no effect on our life each day. Yet day after day we still do the stupid without regard to the cumulative effect it has on our lives as a whole. While some consider doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result to be a definition of insanity, I like to think of it a dose of good ole homegrown stupidity. This type of behavior will eventually call into question the foundation of Respect we have for yourself.

RESPECT AND THE SPEAKER

As a speaker, you must be ever aware that your authority to speak rests greatly and precariously on the foundation Credibility you established for yourself. A large portion of your credibility is impacted and shaped by the depth of respect you have for yourself, your foundational message, and your relationship to the audiences you serve.

In many cases, as a speaker, it is what we do when we are saying nothing that can easily betray the depth of our credibility and the level of respect we maintain.

You’re at the airport on the way to a speaking opportunity when you step into the newsstand to pick up some water and a snack for the flight. As you walk down the aisle you cross in front of another shopper who is tortuously deciding which chewy snack will hit the spot and you do so without even offering a courteous, “Excuse me.”

“So, what,” you say, “they probably didn't even notice!”

You might be right. But, that’s not the question you should be asking yourself. The real deep question here is. “Did you notice?” And if you did notice and did not offer a polite, “Excuse me” you may have committed a double offense, one to the person you offended and two to your personal dignity and respect.

When you walk in to your speaking engagement the next day, you are greeted by the very person you were rude to at the airport. You feel stupid for having acted badly in a situation you can never undo. You cannot NOT communicate and the message you have sent through your action is a sign of disrespect and questionable credibility.

RESPECT AND YOUR SPEAKING VOICE

“Actions speak louder than words” and growing your speaking voice is less about what you’re saying and more about the foundational base from which are speaking. While you are diligently digging to discover content that matters to you and will impact your audiences, your actions throughout the process will help solidify a platform with the integrity to support your message.

The more actions of respect inward and outward that you perform, the stronger your experiential base as a speaker will be. Not only will what you say grow, but the strength of conviction within the voice behind those words will grow as well.

SPEAKING OF RESPECT

The general point here is that it is more than just a common courtesy so say “Excuse me” when we infringe on another’s space. By doing so, we acknowledge there are rules of conduct which we ascribe to as a civilized society. These rules help us to create order while they relieve us from the potential rule of chaos.

Saying, “Excuse me” not only bestows a measure of respect on the infringed, it bestows a measure of civility on the infringer as well. This behavior can and will establish an atmosphere of mutual respect between each person involved in the encounter. Respect makes our world a better place to live. It makes our common efforts rewarding. It makes us understand the basis of our common existence.

My challenge to you is to try to be courteous and respectful in all situations. Particularly those when you are about to knowingly do something stupid. Give yourself a break. Take yourself off of autopilot and take command of your vessel. At the end of the day, acknowledge the stupid little things you have done and make a conscious effort not to repeat them.

Remember, the most important person in the world is you. If you don't show yourself the maximum amount of respect you deserve, it's quite possible no one else will either. If you keep on going day after day repeating one small stupidity after another, it will have a cumulative effect on your reserve of self-respect.

 “Stupid is as stupid does,” but stupid does not have to become a standard of performance or an excuse to be rude.

Thanks for your support as a reader of my blog and I eagerly welcome any comments on this post or suggestions you might have for a future blog on a topic near and dear to you in the comments section below. As always, please feel free to share this post with a friend or colleague.

Bringing Positivity to Everything,
The Brain Tamer

How to Look and Sound Genuine When Speaking to a Camera

"All emotion is involuntary when genuine."
Mark Twain

You may have noticed that video cameras are everywhere!

Nearly everyone has immediate access to a video recording device and they use it to document the important events of their life. There are also a bunch of voyeuristically naive people who live to “catch” a stranger’s “worst nightmare” and then post it on the internet hoping to achieve viral notoriety at someone else’s expense.

Knowing there is a potential for you to be caught off guard and have your integrity virally impugned is a pretty scary thing. The best defense is to always behave properly, act honestly and be genuine. I can’t guarantee you’ll be immune from the amateur paparazzi, but you just might not draw their attention.

Then there is the other side of the coin… the self-inflicted, self-orchestrated video that is painful to watch and does little to enhance one’s stature. There is a trend gaining ground that requires business owners, self-employed, and entrepreneurs to promote their products, services and personal brand on the internet and in social media through the use of video. When creating a video, you must be aware of two pivotal elements, 1) how you sound and 2) how you look.

Every person who approaches this process has two choices, 1) to do it well or 2) to do it at a low, casual level. If you’re considering making a video of yourself, the question you should be asking is, “What do I want people to remember most about the video I am making?”

THE OTHER SIDE OF THE COIN: TAILS

I recently counseled a young man with incredible speaking talents regarding a series of videos he posted on his LinkedIn site. His passion for conveying life lessons and advice on leadership is amazing, but his videos, due to their overtly casual nature, did everything they could to distract from the core of his message. In one video he is talking to his smart phone while driving his car, breaking eye contact with the road several times to face the camera. As a viewer, I was unpleasantly watching, hoping I would not bear witness to a horrible accident. We all recognize that one of the current harbingers of calamity in our society is the distracted driver. We’d all like to do everything we can to eliminate this dangerous behavior. But, the distracted speaker? Honestly, if what you have to say is so darn important, show us some respect. Take the time to put your best effort forward in a thoughtful, clear and undistracted fashion.

THE OTHER SIDE OF THE COIN: HEADS

I have worked with a number of my clients, past and present, facing the video dilemma with trepidation on the best way they can be “in control” of the process, remain genuine, and enjoy the final product in the end. From the outset, I stress upon them how important it is to understand that even the most casual touch still demands the best form of communication.

The best communication means with the least distractions or interferences. Try to imagine watching a TV show with lots of static or data drops. It makes for a very taxing experience. As a leader or spokesperson your goal is to create a video that is purged of all interferences, allowing your brand, message and personality to come through unfiltered and at its full impact potential. You can afford to do no less.

But how? Surely it is harder than it appears.

THE HARD ROAD TO EASY STREET

It’s been said that Steve Jobs would rehearse for 17 hours or more for one of Apple’s annual presentations. So, whether you’re thinking the process of looking and sounding genuine in front of a camera is hard or easy you’re right on both accounts. It all depends on how you approach the process. Begin by giving thought to the items below:

• What topic and key points have you identified to talk about?

• How much time have you devoted to thinking about what you want to say?

• How much have you practiced responses to the questions you intend to answer?

• How much practice have you had before a camera prior to your “real” recording opportunity?

• Have you received candid feedback on your practice “performances”?

When you’ve considered all of these process questions your task will either be hard or easy depending on the degree of effort you have put forth. You get to choose which road you’d want to take.

HOW TO LOOK AND SOUND GENUINE

Your ability to Look and Sound genuine can be achieved by exhibiting these three qualities of being genuine:

• Controlling your energy

• Commanding your content

• Conveying your authenticity

Controlling your energy is a nonverbal skill.

Even high-powered CEO’s can do this poorly. Tim Cook, CEO of Apple paces so much, they have had split the screen with one camera following him and another on the Keynote slides. Unfortunately, his bad habit is now becoming systemic as more and more Apple presenters fall into this “style”.

There is nothing wrong with standing still and making your point. The more you move, the harder the audience finds it to be able to concentrate on what you are saying. Learn how to control your energy.

Being able to control your energy includes:

• Taming your wild hands (hair touching, ear scratching, beard stroking, etc.) by having a plan for the use of purposeful and meaningful gestures.

• Having a clear and unstrained voice that speaks at a controlled rate with solid volume and a pleasant pitch.

• Limiting needless body movement including uncontrolled pacing.

• Starting and ending with a smile or assuring face (if your delivering somber news).

• Making solid eye contact and looking at the camera as you would a good friend.

Commanding your content is a verbal skill.

We’ve heard for years that “Content is King”. This is not something new to the digital age. What you say has, is and always be the most important part of any communication. When you ask a viewer to stop and pay attention to you, you’d better be as clear and swift to your point as you can be.

Try following these three simple content command rules:

• Know what you want to say.

• Know how you want to say it.

• Know who is going to see and hear it.

Conveying your authenticity is a social skill.

Authenticity is not charisma. Charisma (a compelling attractiveness or charm) is a perceived quality.

Authenticity is an earned quality. It is acquired through a consistency of behavior that stands the tests of reliability and credibility.

Authenticity can be described as being legitimate, valid, dependable, trustworthy, accurate and truthful. Authentic leaders and speakers convey a sense of believability in how and what they say. In return their audiences place a higher level of their confidence in the products, brands, services and messages they represent.

A great deal of this authenticity comes from the level of self-esteem and self-confidence the speaker has in the content they share, the level of fluency they have on the topic, and the comfort they have speaking about it.

THE GENUINE SPEAKER

If you’re thinking about making a video to promote your brand, company or idea your goal is to be perceived as genuine. This means, don’t try to be anyone but yourself. Know what it is you want to say and how you want to say it. Think about the immortal nature of digital video and its lasting impact on you and your business. Don’t try to do it alone. Solicit the assistance of a colleague or coach to increase your effectiveness.

It truly is easy to look and sound genuine in front of a camera if you put the work in behind the scenes.

I am genuinely delighted to share these insights on How to Look and Sound Genuine in Front of a Camera. Please feel free to share this post with a friend or colleague. As always, I am grateful for your support as a reader of my blog and I welcome any comment on this post or suggestions you might have in the comments section below.

Bringing Positivity to Everything,
The Brain Tamer

What your audience remembers most.

“The audience remembers two things; the first thing it sees and the last thing it hears. So, first make a profound impression and second an ever-lasting impact.”

— Don E. Smith

Pop Quiz: How many chances do you get to make a first impression?

If you said more than one, go to the principal’s office.

In the art of speaking, you have two chances to make an impression; a first one and a lasting one. Many speakers I know work hard and long on their opening line. Crafting just the right combination of catchy phrase, teasing possibility, and creative nuance is no simple task. I applaud them for this effort. But sadly, for many of them, they are so concentrated on this one aspect they forget they are communicating volumes of information to their audience long before they even open their mouth.

It is clearly evident that your audience is most highly focused at two points in your presentation - when you are first introduced and, if you’ve managed to keep them focused throughout your presentation, at the end when you leave them with your parting thought.

You Cannot NOT Communicate

Communication is a constant process. Even when you think it’s over, it still goes on. And, in the instance I am referring to now, it starts before you may actually think it does. Because of this, it is important for you, as a speaker, to remember that your audience remembers the first thing it sees, which is you. Before you speak, you are the presentation.

The audience remembers and judges your credibility and authority on a variety of things. Among these is your personal presentation. Personal presentation attributes may include wardrobe, posture, facial expressions, eye contact, and confidence. If you take the stage with less than a sense of ownership it’s unlikely your audience will buy into what you are saying. No one trusts an unsettled peddler.

This does not mean that you should dress in formal attire for every presentation. Do so only when the occasion requires it. But it does mean, that whatever attire you choose, it should show a precise level of respect for your audience and the occasion. One rule of thumb is to dress at or one level above your audience. If they are wearing business casual, where a business suit with no tie. If they are wearing ties, you need to wear one too.

Don’t forget to do the rest of the stuff too. Because, as a speaker, you can’t control where your audience chooses to focus their attention, don’t give them a reason to stare at something else. So, shine your shoes, press your pants, and straighten your skirt. In other words, take a moment to look in the mirror and see what they will see. It’s hard enough these days to command an audiences’ full attention. The first impression you make can go a long way toward establishing the connection you will nurture throughout your presentation.

So bear in mind, the audience remembers the first thing it sees and the first thing it sees is you. Use this opportunity to make your profound first impression.

The Two Least Powerful Words in a Speaker’s Vocabulary

Building personal relationship is the primary function of communication. It is the primary function of any speaker as well. Sometimes when we speak it is easy to lose sight of this principle. Speakers often get so wrapped up in the essence of their pitch they forget about building the bond of trust central to all relationships.

I’ve seen it written lately that the two most powerful words in the English language are “Thank You”. I don't disagree. Nothing will help you build the bond of team work and cooperation more than acknowledging someone else’s contribution by saying, “Thanks”. When you’re speaking, saying “Thank You” is a patronizing and very insufficient way to establish the lasting bond. It offers your audience nothing and does very little to connect them to your content and purpose.

After all, in most speaking situations, it is unlikely that you will address the same people on the same topic with the same content more than once. In addition, there is very little of a participatory role for the audience to play in establishing a relationship with you other than being respectful, engaged and appreciative of your presentation. But, somehow, this does not stop a host of speakers from ending their presentation with the words, “Thank you.”

Since the evidence shows that an audience will remember the last thing it hears, doesn’t it make sense that the last thing ought to be of value to them. And that the thing of value, ought to relate directly to the topic, content and purpose of your speech.

So, how can you tell your audience how much you appreciate them and still leave them with a lasting impact?

The Last Thing You Want Your Audience to Hear

At the end of your speech, after you have reminded your audience of the purpose of your speech and all of the supporting points you covered in support of your purpose, this is the time you bring it to a close. This is the time to make your ever-lasting impact. So, say “Thank you” and then “Good Bye”.

Try something like this:

“I just want to take a moment here before my final thought to say “Thank you” for the time and attention you have given me during my presentation. It is truly appreciated.”

Take a moment to smile, make eye contact and nod your head in approval as you acknowledge your audience.

Then launch into your final comment. Make it a single, simple sentence that will button hole the importance of your presentation. And then, stop talking. Smile. Bow your head and look for the person who brought you to the stage.

You may get many or a few opportunities to speak. My advice is to make every one of them count to their fullest degree. Don’t give away the sweetness of the inspiration and expertise you bring to the stage by creating sour moments with a lackluster first impression and listless ending impact.

Making a profound first impression and an ever-lasting impact is totally within your control as a speaker.

Please feel free to share this post with a friend or colleague. As always, share your comments on this post or suggestions in the comments section below.

Bringing Positivity to Everything,
The Brain Tamer